3 Days In A Town Car

"Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment" (evanmcm) 06/13/2015 at 01:01 • Filed to: None

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There’s not really much to say here, other than that I never want to see, drive, ride in, or be near one of these rolling tragedies ever again.

It’s the size of an LWB S Class, but has less interior space than a 3 Series. It also has a worse interior than a 12 year old Kia Sephia. As far as I can tell, the speakers are merely for show, as increased position of the volume knob only results in an increase in vague suggestions of sound or voice. The AC is...adequate. That’s the nicest thing I have to say about this car.

The seats are non-supportive, and seem as if made for a human-sized Mr. Potato. The champagne-colored plastic adorning random trim pieces in the interior is uneven in color and razor-sharp. It’s also god-awful ugly, and doesn’t match the faux-stainless steel plastic adorning yet other parts of interior trim. Both are made of the worst plastic I’ve felt in a car interior from after 1990. The leather is probably tough, but it’s already lost quite a bit of color and utterly worn away in some places. The “wood” trim is the nicest plastic in the car...and looks as if it was printed out from a computer and then painted over with clear nail polish. Feels like it too.

And this is just the interior.

The handling is theoretical, at best, to steal a line from Car & Driver. You can count to 3 full seconds between the time the wheel is turned and the time the car finally heaves in and takes a set around the corner. But at the same time, requires constant adjustment, as there is so much lateral body movement (in addition to vertical body movement) that the car absolutely does not like to stay pointing the same direction for more than about a hundred feet at a time. You get the feeling that not only was it designed *for* half-blind, half-deaf geriatrics to cruise from their assisted living condo in FL to their doctor’s office, but *by* half-blind, half-deaf geriatrics as well. The brakes are inadequate, although they do finally bite...causing the front of the car to feel as if it’s actively trying to dig a hole into the earth.

In short, I’ve never been in a “properly functioning” (debatable here at best) car with less body control, worse steering, or more lackluster brakes. The 4.6 is..medicore at best, which is about all that can be expected from a 4.6 in a Town Car. The transmission shifts well enough, but despite the relative dearth of gears, it still seems confused by such complex requests as “pulling away from a stop light” or “Passing someone on the freeway”.

Overall, for the target market (who admittedly has a hard time telling the difference between a drive-thru and a pedestrian), I suppose it’s good enough. But herein lies the rub - this car is vague and soft enough that even someone like me feels the lack of safety in which the car conducts itself. If you have trouble seeing, have reduced reaction time, or other maladies of old age, this car will take those problems and multiply them by 10, at least. This seems horrid for the type of people that will inevitably buy these off the various shady used car lots in AZ, FL, TX, NY, IL, and CA that are overflowing with them.

Also...these things were over 40k new. You couldn’t pay me 40k to own this car. The gas mileage isn’t even that great...certainly not much better than a well-driven twin turbo AMG V12 S Class. Which weighs even more and has 2.5x the power.

For those of you with a Panther vehicle, who actually enjoy it...I’m glad it works for you. We all have our preferences. But for the love of god, if I ever have to ride in or pilot one of these under sprung land whales ever again...I will simply jump out the window.

Have a great weekend.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 01:13

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For those of you with a Panther vehicle, who actually enjoy it...I’m glad it works for you. We all have our preferences. But for the love of god, if I ever have to ride in or pilot one of these under sprung land whales ever again...I will simply jump out the window.

Be careful boy. Them’s fightin’ words around these parts.

No seriously like half of the mods have or have had Panthers.

facw > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 01:27

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There’s some serious Panther love around these points, but yeah, I don’t get it. The car is too soft for any sort of fun driving (admittedly I’ve never been in a Maurader), which is fine for a big, floaty, luxury barge, but it’s not designed or built well enough to be good at that either. And you’re absolutely right that it is amazing how small it seems inside for such a gigantic car. I feel like there are a lot of Fords where that’s a problem.

In any event, glad that the people who like them have them, but definitely not the car for me, and glad to see them getting phased out as taxis in favor of more practical vehicles.

GhostZ > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 01:36

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Man, you don’t drive a town car because it’s a good car.

You drive a town car because it’s $3000 and invincible .

You drive a town car because when that venerable AMG shits its bowels onto the pavement the lincoln will be trucking along happily. When that BMW’s service invoice comes in you could have bought a second town car for less than it cost.

You drive a town car not to pretend you’re having caviar, you drive a town car so you can have ball slapping ‘murican anal on the bench seats and forget to vacuum afterward .

You drive a town car because you’re above shame, criticism, or pomp and just want to steamroll your way through life without car payments, pretentious opinions, repair bills, service costs... all with a shit eating grin on your face.

Dunnik > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 01:37

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Panther Town Cars still form the majority of the airport limo fleet. All of them have been converted to Propane. As a result of this and the handling, their attempts to cut people off often fail.

GhostZ > facw 06/13/2015 at 01:43

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To be honest, if they still made town cars they would still be bought as taxis. Ford just has better ideas on how it wants to make money.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Dunnik 06/13/2015 at 01:46

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Oh my god, as if they didn’t have lackluster enough performance to start with.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > GhostZ 06/13/2015 at 01:47

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Yes but you fucking hate your life every single femtosecond you spend within its awful, horridly constructed interior. I don’t know, I think it evens out.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > facw 06/13/2015 at 01:48

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The chassis deflects so much during routine driving I have a hard time believing it’s not actually made of tin foil.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/13/2015 at 01:48

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I know that’s why I enjoyed writing this so much. No offense towards the owners...but full offense towards the cars.

Birddog > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 01:49

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Makes you wonder why Jack Baruth became a member of the Panther Posse(pre-wreck).

“The seats are non-supportive, and seem as if made for a human-sized Mr. Potato.”

Wait a few years kid, those seats become comfy quick.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Birddog 06/13/2015 at 01:52

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Oh god please no. At least the seat warmer switch has a slightly nice tactile feel about it. The only part of the entire vehicle that does.

Birddog > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 02:01

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That’s a start. You’re getting there.

Soon you’ll be eating dinner at 4:30 because it’s cheaper and hitting the sack at 8pm.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 02:04

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My most scathing review of any car I’ve driven was a Kia Soul, in which I said, “I don’t like the Kia Soul.” You seem to be a little ham-fisted about a car designed for the lounge (and sometimes elderly) types to cruise around with a minimum of fuss. Your other posts seem to indicate you like perfomance luxury vehicles and exotics. So of course you don’t like a fluffy Crown Vic.

GhostZ > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 02:05

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Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up living in and around 90s cars... but honestly modern car interiors that are filled with imitation materials (I would bet you that no car under $70,000 has real leather in their interiors, and if they do, it’s not standard, processed heavily, and definitely not high quality) bother me way more than the unashamed squeaky plastic utilitarian materials in 90s cars.

The thing is, you’re judging a 90s car by 2010s standards. For its time, it was a well designed interior with mediocre materials. Consider that this:

Was Jaguar’s best interior. In 2004.

This was Mercedes:

And here’s Lexus:

Suddenly that makes this:

Look a lot less offensive. At least you got bench seats with the Lincoln, and way more room than the others. And it was a much older design! The seats are probably the weakest part of the town car, but they can be replaced.

Modern cars give me a sickening sense of overcompensation, as if they expect you to slather yourself all over the interior materials and make “ooo ahhh” sounds. Yes, standards have come up. A larger portion of a car’s price goes into the interior now, but they also have a lot of compromises they have to make that shitty it up for airbag and rollover protection.

That doesn’t mean you should hate new cars or that you shouldn’t care about interior design. Interior design is important . But.. you can’t hate and misjudge a car like the town car simply because of your tastes in how important interior design should be to a car. There’s definitely a sliding scale of utility vs comfort and an overall cost component to both.

Party-vi > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/13/2015 at 06:33

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* booming voice*

who is this that speaks for the mods?

Party-vi > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 06:55

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My boss (one of my bosses, I’ve got like 5) has a late model Towncar and the interior is not as you describe. The seats are flat and not supportive at all, but they are made of soft leather. The space inside is enormous, as is the trunk. As far as an isolated driving experience goes, I’m pretty sure you could run over several adults in a Towncar before you realize you hit anything.

LongbowMkII > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 07:41

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You can count to 3 full seconds between the time the wheel is turned and the time the car finally heaves in and takes a set around the corner. But at the same time, requires constant adjustment, as there is so much lateral body movement (in addition to vertical body movement) that the car absolutely does not like to stay pointing the same direction for more than about a hundred feet at a time.

It makes me so happy that you said this. when I was 18 0r 19 I was driving a Grand Marquis rental on vacation. After we got out the passengers complained that I my turns were jerky and that the whole experience was bad. That criticism never sat well with me because I had never had any complaints about my driving before, and I didn’t notice it while driving. The steering box was made of cotton balls so I couldn’t tell apparently. It still bothered me. Granted, part of it was likely some inexperience (although much of my early experience came from a B-body) but it’s comforting to know that my own blaming of the car was justified.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 07:53

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For a second there, I thought you were talking about the 2015 Camaro droptop I had this week.

Except the handling. The Lincoln in theoretical, the Camaro is a Monte Carlo Simulation. If it comes out right, it will hang on, but the sight lines are non existent, so you only have a vague theoretical idea of where you actually are on the road.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > GhostZ 06/13/2015 at 07:56

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ball slapping ‘murican anal on the bench seats and forget to vacuum afterward .

Especially if you are on the bottom and your partner is a Tom of Finland pinup.

(NSFW to Google that, if you don’t already know what that is)

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Party-vi 06/13/2015 at 08:08

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‘ ,      

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 08:25

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Town Car is not for driving. Town Car is for being driven in.

GroupC63uae > GhostZ 06/13/2015 at 08:40

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Ew

Alex B > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 08:40

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THANK YOU. These are so overrated.

thebigbossyboss > facw 06/13/2015 at 08:53

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Most the taxis around here got replaced by Chevy Impalas. I am not convinced they’re any better.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 08:55

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Yes, but an average joe can actually afford to run a town car, as opposed to an S600, or even an S500. Yes, handling may be vague, but it’s comfortable, quiet, and plush. It’so an anachronism, a bulletproof car that feels like it’s 30 years old. I’m not ashamed to say that I like panthers. Sure, the dashes feel cheap, and they’re underpowered, but they have just as much character as an NA or E30, just in a different way. If you can’t understand why people love the Town Car, let me put it to you this way- it’s a car that is the opposite of sporty. Anyone who has owned a barge will agree with me that there’s nothing quite like it. They’ll also say that you can pry their barge out of their cold, dead hands. You’re viewing it in the wrong light. A Town Car isn’t an S-class competitor, it’s a big, old American car. It makes no apologies for what it is. It will accommodate you and five friends, and it will do so in comfort. It is good old-fashioned American values on four wheels. You don't have to like it. You just have to stay out of its way.

thebigbossyboss > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 08:58

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Sorry, you’re comparing the gas mileage in a panther to a V12 AMG S class which costs somewhere well north of 6 figures?

Uh.....errrmmmm....yeah. My Cavalier is way worse in every respect than an S class too...but it’s not really a comparable car. One costs $1500. One costs $150,000

:/

I am also wondering if the P71 crown vic would put paid to a lot of your complaints about the body roll. I drove a P71 one night, it was awesome and I didn’t seem to suffer the problems of body roll to the extent that you did. Of course this was 1994 P71 but still.

Oh well, more panthers for us!!!

 > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 09:11

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What year Town Car was it? There was significant handling improvement made starting in 2003. Also, how many miles were on the car? A cab with 400k on the clock will drive much worse than a car with 100k.

Also, hating a Panther is like hating a brown, diesel station wagon.

fhrblig > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 10:46

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I have the soul of a 72-year-old bank vice president trapped in my body, because I love these things (black/black please), and also cigars and scotch.

Your boy, BJR > Party-vi 06/13/2015 at 10:53

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The inside is NOT “enormous”. It might be roomy to someone who folds themselves into a 330i coupe everyday, but for the amount of space that car takes up it should be at least 1/4 bigger inside.

Your boy, BJR >  06/13/2015 at 10:54

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Fuck panthers and fuck brown diesel station wagons.

Your boy, BJR > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 11:03

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My grandpa was a cop for 35 years. In his time of service he had a Gran Fury, a box B-Body, a bubble B-Body, and a Panther. From talking to him and the motor pool guys I learned (1) The 360ci Mopars were fast as fuck but not great quality. (2) The box caprice was the most durable and reliable car they ever used. (3) The bubble caprice was the best rounded. Fast, reliable, durable, roomy, huge trunk. (4) The panther is the most overrated pile of crap ever. Quality similar to the Mopars, but more cramped and slower. Not uncommon for them to leave service on their 2nd or 3rd motor.

Your boy, BJR > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 11:04

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I agree totally.

#fucktowncars

#devillelife

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 11:09

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Panthers are decent quality (better than the Tauruses and Impalas), but the real appeal in them is how cheap they are used, and how easily you can fix them. I agree that the box caprice is the toughest one there. Unfortunately, all the bubbles are beat to shit.

Captain of the Enterprise > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 11:13

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I agree and I daily one, the best thing about it is the sound of the 4.6 and the size of the trunk

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 11:14

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Damn, you’re making me dream of bubble Caprices, now.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > GhostZ 06/13/2015 at 11:19

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here’s the thing though: If you want a cheap to buy, cheap to own, invincible ‘90’s barge a Buick LeSabre is better every category from reliability to fuel economy to interior space and materials quality, handling, ride, brakes (no feel, but they’re quite strong), and even repair cost. No, its not RWD, no it’s not body on frame, but its just as cheap and invincible and better in nearly every quantifiable way. Just watch out for rust.

/former owner of a '97 LeSabre limited. (paid $750 with 170k miles on it. Every thing worked perfectly (a/c, nice stereo CD-cassette!, heated power leather seats, sunroof, alarm, tc, abs, etc... transmission detonated at 320k miles. Put no money but oil changes and one set of brakes ($35 loaded calipers and $12 rotors!) in it.)

Your boy, BJR > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 06/13/2015 at 11:23

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Being easy to fix and being good quality aren't the same thing.

Your boy, BJR > DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully 06/13/2015 at 11:24

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As you should be.

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 11:26

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Let me buy my motorcycle and move back to Tennessee, first. Then, I’ll add a Caprice to the fleet.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 11:27

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The interior and paint quality is terrible, and the powertrain quality is mediocre. They typically have lots of little faults. In a way, they’re like Cavaliers that people actually like. I’d still own a P71 or LX Sport, though.

 > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 11:37

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GTFO!

Your boy, BJR >  06/13/2015 at 11:39

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I'd tell you to gtfo but seeing as you're in either a panther or a brown diesel wagon, that'll take too long.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Captain of the Enterprise 06/13/2015 at 12:46

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The trunk is rather large. The 4.6 manages to make a good sound at least, while its struggling to move the car.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 12:49

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If I had to pick which terrible early-2000s American luxury barge to drive, it would definitely be the Deville.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 12:50

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Interesting comparison. I think I’ve heard similar things from others with long-time experience in cop cars.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > fhrblig 06/13/2015 at 12:51

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Haha. I’ll take the cigars and scotch, but in a different car.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment >  06/13/2015 at 12:54

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Exactly, which is why I hate those two. And Miatas, when I get the chance.

It’s one of the last years, mileage is getting close to 100k. It’s being borrowed for a trip. It’s also just had a full service so I don't think anything is broken.

Captain of the Enterprise > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 13:01

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I love that someone else noticed how small the interior is in contrast to the size of the vehicle

 > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 13:10

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100 bucks says my Panther will smoke whatever heap you drive.

Your boy, BJR >  06/13/2015 at 13:40

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Well I don't race so yeah probably.

crowmolly > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 14:54

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Every cop and motor pool guy I talked to after the Caprice/Crown Vic switch bemoaned the loss of the Chevys. Every single one.

Your boy, BJR > crowmolly 06/13/2015 at 14:56

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Because that bubble B-Body is the most perfect law enforcement vehicle ever made

911e46z06 > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 15:14

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Counterpoint, when I call a car service, and they show up in anything but a Towncar, I get very angry.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 15:15

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I owned a TC Executive Edition from the previous body style and it had a few things to recommend it, I just can’t remember any of them. And the pneumatic rear suspension was a repair waiting to happen.

Here’s my grievance, in case anyone cares to read:

The cabins in the TCs and the Crown Vics are not tall enough. You have to sit with your legs out straighter than you would in, say, a Caprice F@#$ing Classic. My understanding is that you basically get a Police Interceptor with a TC: disc brakes, dual exhaust, et cetera, but as with the Vic, the performance is underwhelming.

For this same reason, I like the Ford Five Hundred better than the Taurus because it too has a taller cabin and allows more of a command seating posture.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 15:16

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(I don’t share that guy’s opinion.)

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Party-vi 06/13/2015 at 15:18

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THAT’S WHAT CAPS ARE FOR WHAT DO YOU HAVE TYPOGLYCEMIA

But did you ever own a Panther?

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 15:20

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Thank you. My appraisal has come up similar. The cops I talk to about cars today, those who are old enough to remember the ‘95-96 9C1, feel the same. And they all say that the Chargers are fast enough, but don’t hold up.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > thebigbossyboss 06/13/2015 at 15:21

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I’m pointing out that a 5,000 pound ultra luxury car with a fire-spitting twin turbo V12 that makes 2.5x the torque and power somehow manages to get almost the same mileage as this little 4.6 liter in a less heavy car. Price has nothing to do with it really.

I’m sure there’s some thing that could be done about body roll...either way it’s not a car I’d ever want to drive or own for any extended period of time.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 06/13/2015 at 15:24

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Have you seen eBay? You can buy a nice S550 Sport for like 28k. Not really breaking the bank there. No it’s not a car you buy on a part-time McDonalds salary...but that’s not really what I figure most people are working with.

I just don’t see where this “character” is...I feel like that’s a by-word for “cheap car that I can afford”...which is fine. But the car has no character at all, to me. I suppose to everyone, it’s different. But there are no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Alex B 06/13/2015 at 15:24

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Couldn’t agree more.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/13/2015 at 15:24

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I don’t want to be driven in one either...that interior...my god.

Alex B > GhostZ 06/13/2015 at 15:35

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All of its competition looked better. Bench seats are nasty too.

Alex B > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 16:03

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I don't even know why they became popular. It's an insult to be seen in one!

Your boy, BJR > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 18:54

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I drive an ‘04 Deville. Nothing can convince me that one of these+a C6 Z06 wouldn't be the perfect 2 car garage.

Party-vi > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 06/13/2015 at 19:16

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nah son.

Party-vi > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 19:17

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The car is massive inside though. Sure the hood is comically long and the trunk is too damn big, but from my experience it’s a big ass car, inside and out.

Also it’s less of a “fold” and more of a “crumple”.

Your boy, BJR > Party-vi 06/13/2015 at 19:19

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It's NOT big inside though. I remember being cramped in the few P71s I drove before I got the DeVille.

Party-vi > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 19:37

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Seriously? Are you Shaq-sized? I’m a lard-ass and still fit comfortably.

Your boy, BJR > Party-vi 06/13/2015 at 20:07

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6’4” and 205lbs. There is not a comfortable position for those seats for me.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Birddog 06/13/2015 at 22:30

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I’d slit my own wrists first...although I do occasionally enjoy older movies...

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/13/2015 at 22:31

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I suppose comedy is simply lost on some

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > GhostZ 06/13/2015 at 22:34

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I don’t know, I’ve been in that S Class interior, it’s in another universe, even another dimension from this Lincoln. The Lincoln is poorly assembled, poorly designed, ugly, and the materials are shockingly bad even for a decade old car...especially considering what it cost new. A 45k Mercedes from the same year has an infinitely better interior.

Bench seats aren’t important to me, I really dislike them quite a bit.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Party-vi 06/13/2015 at 22:37

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I’ve been in big cars...A8, S Class. This car has a huge, measurable percentage less interior space, despite being as large. Sure that large rear deck gives you a fair sized trunk but I don’t need to carry my entire wardrobe with me anywhere.

The leather may be nice enough if cared for, the rest is shit. There’s no excuse for it. The plastics are vomit-inducing. The fake “wood” is too. I just do not like it at all. Sure, you can roll over a set of train tracks without feeling much...but you’ll be bobbing up and down for about a quarter mile after. Not my style.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > LongbowMkII 06/13/2015 at 22:38

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This is funny, and totally makes sense. You really cannot tell what the hell the car is doing, it has no interest in telling you whatsoever.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs 06/13/2015 at 22:38

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All that weight probably doesn’t help either.

Party-vi > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/13/2015 at 23:20

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I mean, the rest of the interior is pretty indefensible like you said, but Ford had a good thing going with the whole “stop designing and improving the car for a decade and people will still buy it” thing. See; Ford Expedition.

Party-vi > Your boy, BJR 06/13/2015 at 23:21

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Maybe with your head out the sunroof and leg out the door. Are you sure you weren’t having an allergic reaction to the FoMoCo materials?

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/14/2015 at 10:43

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$28k isn’t chump change. Few enthusiasts I know are willing to fork out $28k on a used luxobarge. Also, maintenance is ridiculous on used Mercs. People forget that they’re not buying a used car, they’re buying a used Mercedes . Name a safer, more luxurious, easier to fix, more recent car you can get for under $5k. There isn’t one. As for redeeming qualities, here you go.

1: You can mend electrical faults by yourself

2: Parts are dirt cheap

3: Insurance is cheap

4: The seats are plush

5: Five star safety ratings, plus top ratings from the IIHS for the moderate overlap test.

6: You can carry all your friends

7: It has an obscenely large trunk

8: With regular maintenance, it will last forever

9: BOF construction means that you don’t need frame straightening after a 25 MPH rear-end collision.

10: The styling has aged quite well.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 06/14/2015 at 14:47

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Honda Accord. Done. I drive an ‘01 quite often. It’s better in a million ways. It’s not quite as comfortable but I’m also not 97 years old so I don’t really car. Even the shitty stock stereo is better in the Honda. If I’m going to buy a cheap car that’s easy to fix, I’m not going to buy a dressed up American barge that’s older than me underneath. Even the interior plastics on an ‘01 Accord feel better in many places. I realize some people just like the Town Car, and that’s fine. But I do not.

Also, I have to say...I know plenty of enthusiasts that would spend 28k on an excellent car.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Party-vi 06/14/2015 at 14:49

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Maybe so, although I see that as more of a commentary on the types of people that buy them...I could show my grandmother a car from 1999 and a car from 2015 and she would have no clue which was which. Which is fine, but when that’s your whole costumer base...you get lazy and build shitty shit.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Your boy, BJR 06/14/2015 at 14:50

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If you like American cars, that’d definitely not a bad way to go at all.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Alex B 06/14/2015 at 14:50

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Good thing I have to wear sunglasses constantly out here in AZ, nobody knows its me.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 06/14/2015 at 14:51

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HOLY SHIT YES! How have they made a car that’s so large and yet is uncomfortable for anyone over 5’ 9”....again...the old people ruined it. They’re all short, and hunched over. They don't even notice it. They think its cozy.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > 911e46z06 06/14/2015 at 14:54

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I suppose it could be worse, like a Crown Vic....or god forbid...a Buick...god no.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Captain of the Enterprise 06/14/2015 at 14:55

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It literally blew me away. Especially since everyone on here is constantly talking about how large they are inside. I’ve only been in taxi rear seats so I never really had an accurate view of Panther interior space. I am incredulous at how small they are inside. The thing is massive, it’s like driving a house.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/14/2015 at 15:01

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To each their own. I’d rather drive a town car than an accord, simply because of it’s unique marketplace position. Admit it - you found those bench seats to be more than a little comfy.

Also, I actually don't know many enthusiasts who have $28k to spend on what can potentially be a maintenance nightmare.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/14/2015 at 16:56

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Thank you. The Ford fanboys of my acquaintance do not know what I am talking about.

Captain of the Enterprise > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/14/2015 at 18:02

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I think very few people who praise them have ever even been in one let alone drive one and you can't judge a car without experiencing one

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Captain of the Enterprise 06/17/2015 at 00:50

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I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. In fact most of what’s said on Jalopnik is disturbingly convicted with no prior experience whatsoever.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 06/17/2015 at 00:52

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Of which there are many

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 06/17/2015 at 00:57

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They were soft, to be sure..but long trips resulted in a somewhat sore ass from having no support at all. My spine and back are not in the best of shape already, so I’m a bit more sensitive than most to that.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/17/2015 at 01:16

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Did you make that inquiry?

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 06/18/2015 at 23:00

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Not yet, just got back from out of town and been so swamped with career stuff lately. Probably will over the weekend I think.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/19/2015 at 15:12

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WUT? You’d rather focus on your J.O.B. than Oppo/Jalo??

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 06/19/2015 at 17:28

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Crazy I know. Talked to Matt today...said I was banned for some reason but he didn’t know why....said he undid it but I’m still in the grey on the FP so I don’t know. At this point...it’s whatever.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/19/2015 at 20:49

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We put more thoughts into our replies than the folks put into moderating the front pages. Not just Jalo.

Aldairion > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 10/13/2016 at 15:15

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Fun fact - these things will top out at 63 mph in reverse.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 11/26/2016 at 23:49

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I’ve driven pretty much every Panther variant under the sun and I agree wholeheartedly with this. They’re not even the best at being old inexpensive vauge floaty boats. Grab a Buick Park Avenue, Buick Riviera, or Buick LeSabre and enjoy 30mpg and more interior space despite a smaller exterior, with WAY more features (heads up display! Sun roof! Surprisingly good sound system!). The ride’s soft and floaty and the steering is completely numb but at least the car feels screwed together. Every Panther I’ve driven felt like the steering wheel uses smoke signals to communicate with the front wheels. At least in the Buicks I’ve owned I felt like I was in control of the car.